10 intriguing sex trends you need to know about

Sex writer, podcaster, and Radio 1 presenter, Alix Fox gives you the lowdown on the latest things people are doing with their down-belows. From mindful masturbation to saucy subscription boxes, the world of sex is evolving for the better.

Trends in passion thankfully don’t move at the same rate as they do for fashion. When it comes to clothing, what’s considered ‘in’ can change on a whim: one minute you’re in sturdy Doc Martens; the next you're seriously considering a pair of metallic silver brogues. But while the pace of change for sex may be slower that it is for shoes, you’d really be putting your foot in it if you thought things were standing still.

The act of intercourse itself may be as old as humankind, but there’s always something new when it comes to intimacy. Sex - how we talk about it, how we think about it, and what we do when we do it - is constantly and often subtly evolving. We asked Alix Fox to take us through some of the biggest changes and trends right now...

Sex menus are the order of the day

The idea of writing a sex menu – a list of sensual acts and scenarios divided into those you rate, hate or are curious about – seems ostensibly simple, but actively compiling an inventory of your desires is a good way to focus on what you want and why, and can be a great starting point for better sexual communication and exploration between lovers.

It's a tool psychosexual therapists like Kate Moyle recommend often, and it's catching on as more people realise it's worth giving the same thought to their sex life as they would their career or fitness. You can find free templates to get started, or download workbooks from sex educators Meg-John and Justin, whose site now also carries their book, A Practical Guide to Sex.

If there’s a ‘dish’ on your menu that you want to understand better before trying it, O.School is a free, judgment-free resource with expert articles and guides on almost anything you can think of.

Masturbation is becoming more mindful

In recent research by pleasure product company Tenga, 64% of Brits stated that they used masturbation as a form of self-care, and 52% said it improved their wellbeing, by performing helpful roles such as helping them unwind, improving their connection to their own bodies and self-image (if your body makes you feel good, you’re more likely to feel good about it), and assisting with peaceful sleep. British respondents ranked solo sex as just below having a kip but above listening to music or taking a bubble bath as most effective in relieving stress.

The idea that masturbation can support mental health as well as physical pleasure has picked up momentum. Ferly combines guided audio sessions and sex education to help people build a healthier relationship with their own pleasure. It's aimed at women, but men can find similar mindful sex resources on Headspace.

Add zap to your fap with electrostimulation

Electrostimulation or ‘electrosex’ toys deliver titillation by sending electrical impulses from a power source via, say, the nipples, the vagina or the penis. WHICH SOUNDS FREAKIN’ TERRIFYING. Who wants to electrocute their frankfurter like Frankenstein’s monster?!

It’s actually less extreme than you’d imagine, explains Lulu Shwartzer of e-stim gadgeteers MyStim: “All information about sensation and touch is transmitted through our brains by electricity moving along nerve pathways, so e-stim toys simply speak the body’s language fluently, without the need for translation. And just like traditional vibrators, e-stim toys have different levels of intensity: you can start with a mild tingling, then build up the intensity.

New one-piece designs, including male masturbators and dildos that don't need a separate power pack, have made e-stim toys more approachable for people trying them for the first time.

Microdating: romantic moments both great and small

We all know regular date nights are important to keep relationships healthy, but a survey by insurance company Legal & General showed that many hectic couples struggle to find the time for full-on wining & dining, especially those with kiddos.

Just over 40% of parents say cost is a problem, as they’ve got to pay for babysitting as well as entertainment, and 46% report being too knackered to fit in a lot of long evenings out. The solution? Microdates: short ‘n’ sweet mini moments of fun, flirtation and connection that help keep things feeling special even when you’re short on time and cash.

Some little wonders to try in a trice:

• Catch the sunset as a pair. Hold hands for ten minutes and take it in, wherever you are. Try not to think about the days you’d love to throw your children/partner right into the centre of that hot ball of flame.

• Buy some cheap art supplies – or pinch the kids’ paints – and draw together. It doesn’t matter if the final results are more ‘mess’ than ‘masterpiece’; it’s about expressing yourselves, relaxing, and doing something out of the ordinary.

• Eat by candlelight. You don’t have to make a swish meal; just set a special mood. Healthy fast food fellas LEON quizzed 1,000 UK adults, and found that 90% would be A-OK with grabbing a simple burger on a date: posh nosh is less important than great conversation and affection.

• Hop in the car one night, put your favourite tunes on the stereo – sing along if you like – and drive somewhere close (great views a bonus) to make out like teenagers. Babies often fall asleep in car seats, so this date can do double duty by helping them nod off… no childminder required.

The full bush is en vogue: plant extracts in sexual health products

You may not realise it, but most latex condoms aren’t vegan (and not just because they’re used to wrap your meat). The milk protein casein is commonly added as a stabiliser to give the rubber an even texture. Female-founded condom company HANX, along with Glyde and Fair Squared, use thistle extract instead.

CBD is following a similar path into sexual wellness products, as UK rules on cannabis-derived health products have loosened. It's reputed to support relaxation and arousal, though the evidence is still developing. If you want to try it, Lovehoney does offer some CBD and botanical products worth a look.

Party hard: a new wave of sex events are emerging nationwide

Sex-focused social events have moved on from old stereotypes. Workshops, talks and community meetups now sit alongside more traditional parties, covering everything from communication skills to consent, often run by educators rather than just event promoters. If this is something you're curious about, a bit of research into what's currently running in your city will turn up more than it would have a few years ago, the scene changes quickly, so specific venues and event names date fast.

Sweetening the pill: contraception equality

There's ongoing research into long-acting reversible male contraceptives, injected into the vas deferens to block sperm from reaching semen, similar to a vasectomy but designed to be reversible. Trials have been running for decades with promising results, though nothing has reached market yet.

Separately, groups like Decolonising Contraception are working to make birth control access fairer. They focus on the cultural and historical barriers that make some people of colour less likely to access sexual and reproductive health services, and on documenting how people of colour have historically been mistreated in medical research, work that's directly shaped how equitable access is being rebuilt today.

Think inside the box with saucy subscription packages

The subscription box trend is still going strong: from ready-made-everything to retro video games direct to your door. The next logical — and welcome step— your sex life.

The Sway have created boxes to boost your boom-boom in the bedroom. For £40 every other month, they discreetly deliver a stylish parcel of inspiring sex toys and sensual products, along with clever cue cards designed to help naturally start the kinds of honest conversations about fantasies and desires that many couples would benefit from, but struggle to know how to begin. The company was founded by two women who adored their long-term partners but felt sex had gotten samey, so started “a mission to go beyond missionary”.

I’ve been sent a few sexscription boxes over the years, and most of them were crud: full of boring battery-operated basics and low-grade stag-do novelties that some Trotter type had picked up for pennies after a Blackpool factory fire, bulked out with cheap waxy chocolates that tasted like sucking the index finger of Madame Tussauds’ model of Benedict Cumberbatch. THIS IS NOT THAT. Sway boxes are all luxurious thriller, no tacky filler: think designer vibrators and opulent massage candles. Lovehoney have just launched a box too, that’s decent value if not so modern and (s)wanky.

We’re talking more openly & honestly about the gnarly tough stuff that affects sex

Sex doesn't exist separately from the rest of life. Sexual challenges after pregnancy, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, bowel or urinary issues, and the menopause have all historically been difficult to talk about. That's changing.

Numan is one of the organisations trying to make that conversation easier. "Around 66% of men in the UK have experienced erectile dysfunction at some point," says Abbie Moujaes from Numan's team, "but only 42% of those men have taken steps to treat it. We're seeing that change as the taboo breaks down, and we want to keep helping with that."

Melissa Kramer of Live UTI Free, a research and advocacy organisation for people with recurrent UTIs, says she's seen a real rise in men reaching out too, both for themselves and their partners.

Seniorgasmic: sex amongst older people is becoming more celebrated & less stigmatised

Sex among older adults is finally getting more accurate representation. Adult content has historically underrepresented older performers, when it features them at all, often leaning on stereotypes rather than anything close to how sex actually looks and feels later in life.

Writer and "silver sex" specialist Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, has spent years pushing back on that gap, arguing for more honest, less stereotyped conversations about sex after 60.

Improved general health, ED treatment, and a wider understanding that satisfying sex doesn't have to centre on penetration all mean more people are staying sexually active later in life. For men, keeping on top of hormone health, including testosterone, plays a role here too.

Bravo to that – but do remember that even if pregnancy is no longer a risk, STIs don’t care whether there were so many candles on your last birthday cake that Samuel Pepys wrote a diary entry about it, so the usual rules apply about using condoms with new partners. In fact, there was a 9% increase in sexually transmitted infections in people aged 45+ between 2012-16 and rates of gonorrhea are rising at nearly double the national average in over 65s…leading to the coining of the phrase ‘gran-orrhoea’.

About the author:

Award-winning sex educator, writer and broadcaster Alix Fox is resident X-rated agony aunt on The Modern Mann podcast, and co-hosts BBC Radio 1’s Unexpected Fluids, an educational comedy show sharing “real-life tales of sexual fails”. She’s a script consultant on hit Netflix series Sex Education; a presenter on E4’s The Sex Clinic; and proud ambassador for young people’s sexual wellbeing charity, Brook. She was named Best Sex Expert of 2018 in the ETO Awards.

Featured image Alix Fox by Joe Plimmer (courtesy of the author)